Matt Potter ... writing, and then some

quirky stories, amusing and true ... or not


31 pieces feature in Vestal Aversion ... some previously published, some new ... and below is a taste ... bite them off and praise them high!


Vestal Aversion


“I’m not the one with three ex-husbands and another on the way,” Bea added, covering the potatoes with a lid.

from Goose, and not turkey or duck


Even in the gloom I could see the empty glass canisters, the shelves bereft of cookbooks, the apron hanging clean but dusty behind the door.

from Kitchen Scrap


Odd, for at the time I was extremely yellow and not remotely haggis-like.

from Old haggis


Dicke Leute verboten, the black and yellow signs read. Fat People forbidden.

from Verboten


She looks just like her mother, I thought, whoever the anonymous egg donor was.

from Bus


It would be great if next door to every restaurant, there was a 24 hour dental surgery.

from Bring a Book


“Next election is gonna be real interesting,” I said, wearing army fatigues as I stood in the check-out line swapping coupons for rubber sheeting.

from The Deepest Cut


She pops two chocolate pieces in her mouth. “Thank God for Vera. She always listens.”

from Always Vera


She likes being fucked on her back mostly: she enjoys watching me do all the grunt work.

from Meeting Adjourned


“Well, you have a whole six months to get used to the idea,” she answered, knotting baby-blue yarn on the end of the row.

from First


They’re too big for my mouth. I bought them hoping I’d grow into them, alas.

from A smile is worth 1000 teeth


Angela Merkel can be a sweetie when she wants to be.

from der Morgenmuffel


“Every foreigner’s desperate for money in Berlin.”

from Rainbow


Sitting there in the chilly morning, wearing shorts as I am always hopeful it will turn sunny, I hoped I did not look as panicked as I tried not to feel. 

from Brot und Käse


Often the first words we learn in new languages are swear words. Sometimes this is amusing. Sometimes it’s not.

from I Swear 


Suddenly the world stood still and every other patron in the café bored holes into me.

from Lint


Mostly though, when speaking German, I love getting my tongue around the words, attempting to sound as authentic as possible.

from Jacqueline Bisset and Me


And now, he was stamping his mean spirit on the new year before anyone else had the chance to draw breath, lassoing the new decade with his spite and telling the world it was his to do with as he pleased.

from A Free Rinse 


Kerryn’s hands were damp to the touch, and her eyes would dart about her freckled face and the schoolyard and the neighbourhood ...

from Snack


“... I offered you relief from that. I expect 50% of the agreed fee. In cash.”

from Berniece 


And it was Jürgen’s first without his two sons too, because the soon-to-be-ex was feeling … motherly / vulnerable / spiteful. (Circle your choice.)

from First Fish


I don’t like to say much about my life, especially when her own is unfortunate.

from Monthly Coffee


I suddenly saw myself in long beard and flowing tunic, dispensing wisdom and loaves and fishes.

from Write


“Where did you get this?” I asked, fingertips tracing the 666 on his forehead, red and bumpy.

from Arrivals


The crab lotion tingles and burns, stinging all senses.

from Body to Go


“Come in,” he says, leading me through a side door. And into a church. Which I’d noticed while waiting but thought was just a meeting point.

from Love 


“But you’ve got all the same style there, love,” she said, waving her false nails at the blouses hanging on hooks.

from Arms Width


“You look tired.” She kisses me again and slips her tongue inside.

from Sydney Hotel Room


“You’re not in Saigon anymore, Mai Bi’ch,” I said, craning to read her name badge.

from Big Dipper


“Would you stop this alien bullshit, Tony! And stop saying fuck all the time!”

from Dishwasher


“Just call me Amber,” she said, rolling the ‘r’ – was her burr Swiss or American? We couldn’t tell ...

from Dotting every 'i' 


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